


here we have an overage runaway

by 1500birds



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, F/F, Mentions of suicide attempt, Sadstuck, Self-Hatred, happy ending!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-28
Updated: 2014-05-28
Packaged: 2018-01-26 22:49:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1705442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1500birds/pseuds/1500birds
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Janey,<br/>I can’t burden you with myself any more. You say it’s not true, but it is. Getting woken up in the middle of the night by my stupid drunken self isn’t good for you, and you’ve always been too kind to tell me so. You’ve always been far too good for me, and I’m not going to leech off of you anymore.<br/>So I’m going to do the first good thing I’ve ever done for you and erase myself from your life. Don’t try to forgive me. Do whatever it takes to leave me behind, and hate me all you want.<br/>Thank you for holding my head up. I’m sorry.<br/>Goodbye, Jane.<br/>-Roxy</p><p>It has a happy ending, I swear.<br/>Inspired by the song "Hate Me" by Blue October</p>
            </blockquote>





	here we have an overage runaway

**Author's Note:**

> I had to write it okay
> 
> EDIT: Fixed a few tense changes, some spelling, and italics.

Roxy Lalonde had always been terribly skinny.  It was something she’d been acutely aware of since middle school, and something she hated.

Part of it was probably because of the drinking, which managed to clean out her stomach every time. There was also the fact that she spent all of her time fretting over Rose and making sure her little sister ate well, even though an absent mother left behind many empty cabinets and not really a lot of money for groceries.

But that was in high school, and she was almost 23, and still all skin and bones.

Jane had made it her mission to make Roxy put on more weight, and didn’t let a day go by without getting Roxy to eat some of her pastries. It didn’t help, but at least they came back of easy at one in the morning.

The two girls had been living together since their senior year of high school, and Jane had been nothing but diligent with Roxy. The blonde didn’t know why. She also didn’t know why she managed to have the nerve to still wish for a day when she’d call Jane hers.

Being a perpetually useless alcoholic piece of shit who’s in love with her best friend really sucked.

* * *

 It was 2:17 in the  morning, when Jane was rubbing Roxy’s back as the blonde rested her cheek against the cold toilet seet, that Roxy felt something shift.

“Why d’ you do this?” Roxy croaked with a slur. Her eyes, which were gazing blankly at the wall, shifted to look at Jane.

“Do what?” Jane was sitting cross-legged with her back against the sink counter.

“Get up in the middle of th’ night, just ta sit with me.” Roxy let out a hoarsee chuckle. “I know it isn’t pretty.”

“That’s a silly question. You’re my best friend, Roxy. I’ll do anything for you.” The blue-eyed girl stood up. “Let’s get you to bed.”

Roxy rose unsteadily to her feet before continuing. “You’re ruinin’ your life wi’ me.”

“Is that what you think?”

“’S what I know.”

Jane sighed as she pushed open the door to Roxy’s room. “It’s not true, Roxy.”

The lanky blonde collapsed onto her bed and tugged the covers over her. “‘M  sorry.”

“For what?”

“Errythin’.”

A soft smile accompanied a shake of her head as Jane leaned down and kissed Roxy on the cheek. “Goodnight, Roxy.”

“‘Night Jane.”

When Jane had gone, Roxy cried.

And when Jane got home from work the next day, Roxy was gone.

* * *

  _Janey,_

_I can’t burden you with myself any more. You say it’s not true, but it is. Getting woken up in the middle of the night by my stupid drunken self isn’t good for you, and you’ve always been too kind to tell me so. You’ve always been far too good for me, and I’m not going to leech off of you anymore._

_So I’m going to do the first good thing I’ve ever done for you and erase myself from your life. Don’t try to forgive me. Do whatever it takes to leave me behind, and hate me all you want._

_Thank you for holding my head up. I’m sorry._

_Goodbye, Jane._

_-Roxy_

* * *

 Jane screamed, she cried, she called Dirk, and he didn’t answer.

* * *

Roxy was, actually, still in the city. She had gone straight to Dirk’s after she left, and explained what was happening.

“Wow,” he said after she finished, leaning back on his couch. “I mean- I don’t know what to say.”

“You can’t tell Jane you even saw me,” Roxy said urgently.

“How are you going to get money if no one knows where you are?”

“You’ll get it from Rose, and then give it to me. Only you will know where I am.”

“Why can’t Rose know?”

“I don’t want her to concern with me.” Dirk sighed, and Roxy frowned. “What?”

“Part of me knows that you have to do this. You’re stubborn as hell and there’s no way I can talk you out of it,” he said, his voice surprisingly gentle. “But I’m still thinking about Jane. About Jake, and Jade, and Rose… mostly Jane. It’s going to rip her heart out.”

“She needs to be rid of me!” Roxy’s voice climbed up a little in pitch as she got irritated. “I left her a note and with any luck, she’ll hate me. All I want is for her to finally be fucking happy!”

The blonde man stared at her in silence from behind his shades.

Her voice dropped as Roxy looked at the ground. “I’m going to drive so fucking far away I’ll never cross her mind.”

Dirk didn’t point out the flaws in her plan. He didn’t tell her that there’s no way Jane would ever hate her, let alone forget her, because she loved Roxy as much as she loved Jane. And he knew that for a fact because who did she think Jane talked to, cried to, when she was scared for Roxy’s well-being or when she thought about how Roxy would never love her back?

He sat in silence and poured Roxy another glass of Coke.

* * *

 After Roxy had gone, Dirk sat on his couch and thought of the phrase, “skinny love.”

* * *

 Jane called Roxy’s phone until she had her voicemail message memorized. She called Rose, who didn't know what was going on. She called Dirk, whose phone went straight to voicemail.

* * *

 Six months passed in pain.

* * *

 Roxy managed to get into an online college. Her longest streak of sobriety was a month. She called Dirk every other night, and he kept her updated. Rose released her first book, which Roxy immediately bought. She had also started talking to some woman who owned a dress shop and sold only her own designs.  Dave got a role in a film. It was small, but it was a start.

Jane was still searching for her.

* * *

  _When Roxy and Jane were 20, Roxy went to the hospital for three months. She’d overdosed- claimed it was an accident, but Jane insisted she stayed in the psych ward, just to be safe. It was the longest she’d been sober, and spent almost every visiting hour arguing with Jane about suicide and self-loathing. They ended with Jane forcing Roxy to complement herself._

* * *

 A year later put Dirk on the other side of the country in Roxy’s apartment.

“I’ve had it for a month,” Roxy told him proudly. The apartment is a little small, but far better than where she was living. She’s proud of it- it’s obvious.

“You’re going to need some posters of something,” Dirk observed, looking around the blank white walls.

“I’ll get around to it. My advanced studies course should get me a job in a lab in another year.”

“Advanced studies course? You didn’t tell me about that.” Dirk flopped down on Roxy’s gaudy couch. There was no TV, or much of anything in the living room. Just the old comfy couch with the ugly flower pattern, some boxes, and a table with papers covering it.

“Oh yeah! This science company contacted me, like, four months ago? I didn’t mention it because I was scared it’d flop, and then I just forgot, but it should get me a degrees in applied physics, theoretical physics, and programming. Once I have that, I’m almost guaranteed a job at a university!” She spoke with a grin.

Dirk actually grinned. “That’s great, Rox. Where would the job be?”

That was when her face fell, and Roxy looked at the ground as she perched on the edge of the couch. “That’s the thing. It’d be back in the city- I mean, your city…”

“Jane’s city.”

“Yeah.”

There was an awkward pause before Dirk said, “She’s doing well, you know. Ascended to the throne of Crocker Corp. She’s trying to change it, make it a little less batshit.”

“That’s good,” Roxy said with a slight smile.

“Will you see her, when you come back?”

“No.” The answer was quick.

“She doesn’t hate you,” Dirk told her. “She mentions you every time we talk, and sometimes it’s angry, but other times it’s just sad. I’m pretty sure she figured out that I know where you are- she is one hell of a detective, after all.”

Roxy leans back and curls her knees to her chin. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore, Dirk.”

“Too bad, you need to know. It’s your doing, Roxy. She’d give anything to have you back. You meant so much more to her than you think. She calls me, sometimes, in the middle of the night. Or texts me. Sometimes it’s hard to tell what she’s saying, because she’s crying so damn hard.”

“Dirk…”

“She tells me all these stories, about you and her. Jesus- it’s like you died, how she acts sometimes. You know, you never told me you deleted almost every picture of you she fucking had. That was cruel.”

A tear had escaped down Roxy’s cheek. “I write her letters, but I never send them.”

Dirk hugs her.

“If I make it a year… I’ll talk to her.”

“Is that a deal?”

“Yeah. Deal.”

* * *

 Late that night, after Roxy passed out cold from pure fatigue and not alcohol, Dirk routs around in her boxes and finds  the letters. One of the papers on top was from eight days previously.

 **  
**_Janey…_  
 _I’m sober, mostly. Have been for three whole months, which is a new record. You helped me with that._  
 _Every time I look at alcohol, I feel sick. I jut think about all those times you got yelled at by your boss  because you had to stay up with me, or the times I heard you crying in the other room but didn’t get up because I was crying too._  
 _One day alcohol will be the one thing I won’t touch again, but I know it probably won’t be soon._  
 _It’s a slow fight._  
 _You’ll never read this letter, because I won’t send it, so I can confess that it won’t be sent because I’m scared. Dirk assured me it’ll never happen, but I’m just so damn scared you’ll hate me. I want you to hate me, sometimes, but other times I just want you to love me._  
 _But I want you to love a me that doesn’t hurt you all the time._  
 _Maybe one day._  
 _Until then I’ll write letters and put them in a box._  
 _-Rox_  
 **  
**

The next is from two days later.

 **  
**_I fucked up again, Janey. Thinking of you when I look at the drinks makes me sick, but this goddamn self loathing makes me sicker. I wish I was strong like you, Janey._  
 _I could go for one of your cakes._

Dirk put them back in the box, but not before he made copies of a few. He knew Roxy, and he knew that before she came back to the city, she'd get rid of them. Even if Jane never reads them, he thought she should get the chance to.

He stayed for a week, and told Jane he was on business.

* * *

 Jane ended up tearing down Crocker Corp, signing off some parts to other baked goods companies and disbanding any affiliated factions. She then opened up her own little bakery, which she named CottonCandy.

She tried to date someone, once, but when she looked at them all she could see were those odd and beautiful pink eyes, so she never called them back.

* * *

 Two years after Roxy left, she sent a letter to Rose explaining her actions, and apologizing. Rose replied that she forgave Roxy, and was proud of her for facing her demons. She said she missed her big sister. She asked when Roxy was coming home.

Roxy told her, "Soon."

* * *

 “Soon” turned out to be two months later. Roxy got the job at the university, packed up or sold her things, and drove across the country to settle down in another bare white apartment.

“It’s going to be nice having you back,” Dirk said after they finished positioning the ugly couch against the wall.

“I think it’s going to be nice being back,” Roxy said softly, looking at the couch for a moment before sitting on the floor. “I’m a bit nervous.”

“You’ll be fine. When do you start work?”

“The nineteenth.”

“It’s the eleventh today. You know what that means?”

“No. You know I’ve never been able to remember dates, Dirk.”

“Roxy, it’s been one year.”

The blonde’s jaw dropped as she stared up at him. “Woah, really?”

“Really.”

“Really!?”

“Yep.”

Roxy jumped up and threw her arms around him. “Oh my God!”

“You did it, Lalonde,” Dirk said, hugging her for a few moments before pushing her away. “But you remember our deal, don’t you?”

“Yes,” said Roxy, taking a deep breath. “I think I am ready, though, Dirk.”

“Good.”

 

“...Roxy?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m proud of you.”

* * *

 All of that led up to now, when Roxy’s standing across the street from CottonCandy’s, watching Jane package up the remaining unsold cupcakes before carrying them to the back. The shop in closed now, but Roxy crosses the street and puts her hand on the door. She hesitates, but bites her lip and pushes open the door and walks in.

A bell above her jingles.

“We’re closed!” calls jane from the back, and then she comes bustling out of the swinging door leading to the kitchen. She stops dead in her tracks when she sees Roxy, standing awkwardly in the middle of the bakery with her hands in her hoodie pockets and a sheepish smile on her face. She starts crying almost immediately, covering her mouth with her hand.

She’s still the same Jane Roxy remembers, round and curvy with disarming blue eyes. Her apron has a moustache on it, Roxy sees, as she walks slowly around the counter and approaches. Her hands are warm as they reach up and press against Roxy’s cheeks- the blonde is still taller.

Then Jane smacks her across her face, which sends Roxy to the ground.

_No no no she hates me she actually hates me this was a mistake Dirk why did you make me promise to do this--_

“How could you do that to me?” Jane yells through tears. Roxy cradles her cheek and looks up at the black-haired woman, her eyes stinging. “I was worried sick, you idiot! You took all my pictures, and all you left was a _note_? How dare you!”

“I-”

“ _I’m not done yet!_ You said to not forgive you? To hate you? Don’t try to say you didn’t, because I have that note _memorized._  How am I supposed to hate you, Roxy Lalonde? You’ve been my best friend for 11 years, and I-- am all out of anger.”

“What?” Roxy stares at Jane as the anger suddenly rushes out of her face and is replaced by a little smile.

“Did you think I’d just stay mad at you? I’ve been praying for you to come home _ever since you left._ ” Jane drops down to Roxy’s level and gathers her into a hug. “Don’t you ever do that to me again.”

Roxy wrapped her arms around Jane and closes her eyes as tears start racing their way down her cheeks. “I’m sorry. I had to.”

“I know you did. But there’s something I promised myself I’d do, if- when, you came back.” Jane pulls away, leaving Roxy looking at her in confusion. The other woman ignores this, and takes a deep breath before speaking again.

“Roxy Lalonde, I’ve been your best friend for 11 years, but I’ve been in love with you for seven. You were my first kiss, and I want you to be my last.”

Roxy is shocked, and it shows all over her face. Her cheeks turn red, and she blinks away tears as Jane looks at her nervously, waiting for a reply.

Jane gets her reply in a kiss, a gentle one that tastes like sugar.

**Author's Note:**

> There's wasn't really anything else to write, but if you feel like I left you hanging, don't worry, I feel it too.


End file.
